I saw my neurologist again yesterday morning. We discontinued the Fentanyl and he prescribed me some Lidoderm patches. I asked many questions and told him that I was sick of being on these high dose medicines that don't help. My husband asked him about something like Percocet again for break through pain. He put a note in my file and said if the patches didn't work, to call and let them know and they would do a prescription. I came home and put them on immediately and, OF COURSE, no relief. No one ounce of numbness. I have been still trying and not a difference. I called this morning and left a message for the assistant.
Before I left the appointment, he told me that I seem to be doing better. I responded by telling him that I have just given up. Of course he told me that wasn't good. I am just at the point right now where I need a break from fighting tooth and nail, every second of every day with this pain. I just need a break. If I can get to the point where if I can live in a tolerable state and do what I need to, that's where I want to be. This all affects everything in my life and quite frankly, I'm over it. I am constantly thinking about how this is affecting my family and those around me. It breaks my heart that they have to worry. I have been the person that worries about everyone else and how things will affect them for so long that I can't help but still be in that place. I even hate worrying that the Army is going to be affected by me and my health. I know that there are plenty of people who can fill in.
I know I have said this many times, but I am just sick of everything associated with my health. No one asks for these things to happen, they just happen. You hear that everything happens for a reason, but I do not believe people in pain don't deserve it.
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