A Little Off Subject.

I have been at the point lately where I am just so stressed and frustrated. I am so sick of all these conditions. Medicine changes all the time, not dealing with my other issues if it isn't the Chiari, doctors not wanting to do anything or test for anything else, etc. I'm so stressed and that keeps my mind going constantly and then it wanders to other issues in my life that I really don't want to deal with. Things that I can't do or have. It seems like I was in a world where I was working towards things that I wanted to being stuck in a life like groundhog day. I get to the point where I feel as though I will never have the good things I want. The things that mean so much to me.

How do I deal with this every single day? How do I face that I may never have any of the things that are so important to me? I am lucky to have my support system and very lucky that I have my husband and son. I feel as though my life is over in a sense. I am fighting the best I can, but when you can't get anywhere with trying to feel better and be "normal", how long before you just throw in the towel and say this is my life? I am trying to focus on helping those like me and raise awareness but some days it's hard.

I just want my old life back. I want to be in less pain and be happy. My body is fighting me so hard on that. The outside stressors affect how I physically feel and I'm sick of it. I know that I need to figure out what to do to not let some things bother me so much, but with all that is going on, even that is hard. I just want to scream. I want to be able to just get rid of the constant mind rushing stress. I've given up on so many doctors, hopes of feeling better soon, hopes of getting the treatment I truly need.

I try my hardest to not let it be seen how much I am bothered, how much I am stressed, or how much I hate that all the things I want for my life are on hold for who knows how long. I am not playing why me, all I want is to figure out how to let all of it go. I accept that I have a lot of health issues but giving up all that I want, I can't figure that out.