Oh the pain!

The new problems that I have been having this past month seem to be just getting worse. For the past three days, I feel like I am going down hill at a steady pace. I woke up this morning feeling even worse. Migraine, as soon as I stepped out of bed I encountered the extremely intense spine problems, numbness, increasing weakness, double vision, a grinding feeling every time I move my back, etc. This is getting old. I seems like the last month has been the worse month ever.

Going to the doctor or ER isn't an easy decision. Sure I know that I probably should go but I can't just consider myself. We have no babysitter, I am still unable to drive so my husband, who has so much to do at work and is in charge, would have to leave and take me, they usually don't let children under 12 in the back so I would most definitely be facing it alone, and the fear of being admitted again. If I am, the only person we have to care for my son is my husband. Being in the Army, you can't just call of sick. Explaining the situation, sure they can let him take a couple days off but they could also give him a hard time about it. I am trying so hard to work through it and make it to my pain appointment tomorrow but who knows if that will happen. I hate how MY illness and issues affects every person around me.

I don't understand why I was chosen to have all of these issues. Why wasn't one enough? They seem to just keep piling up on top of me and it weighs me down so much that it feels like I'm being crushed. It's hard to separate whether it's the Chiari, Syringomyelia, Degenerative Disc Disease, my discs problems, or something completely new. I try to be the strong person that hides her pain, puts on a fake smile, and fools everyone into thinking I'm okay. I don't want people to have to worry about me constantly.

All I want is for the worst to be over. For someone to really realize that something is not right. For someone to take me really seriously. I am 28 years old and truly feeling like I'm 82 instead. I hate that my son isn't old enough to really understand what is going on. He knows that mommy is "sick" but doesn't get the extent of it. I hate it affecting him and hearing him tell me that he doesn't want me to go back to the doctor.