To Mayo We Go...Or Not!

Well, I got a call from the referral management department last night regarding them reapplying for me to go to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. It's not the news that I wanted but leaves me with a sliver of hope that I may still get the chance. Since the Mayo Clinic is out of network, I have to go see a neurologist at a university in Jacksonville, for pretty much a second opinion. They said if he agrees, then he should also recommend that I go to Mayo and Tricare should approve it.

So, here's the problem. They are only sending me to another neurologist. The appointments I already have scheduled, and that my neurologists wants me to see, are also for Pain Medicine Clinic and a Pain Psychologist. When I heard "Pain Psychologist", I was thinking, WTH!?! I asked my neurologist if that was due to depression from everything going on with the pain. He said yes. I was relieved. I was kind of worried that he thought I was crazy for a second just like the others seem to treat me. So, how do I get them to also keep the other two specialties on the referral if the second opinion goes well and he agrees?

My mind has been going a thousand miles an hour and the depression seems to be setting in more. I've been in a funk and dealing with all the emotions on top of the constant, unrelenting pain, is not what I want to deal with. I have always been the person in the past that believed people, was so hopeful when it came to anything, etc. I am just no longer that person. I have changed so much do to the health problems that seem to keep stacking up and other issues in my personal life. I am no longer the "me" that I wish I was. I miss being more independent, I miss having more fun, I miss going out with friends, I miss being able to play more with my son. I am sick of catching glimpses of my walker and wheelchair. I am sick of passing out and having seizures. I am sick of medicine, medicine, medicine. And the thing I am the most sick of...feeling so alone in all of this because no one around me truly knows what is going on.

I just hope that, one day...