Update and a Very Emotional Day

Well, I suppose I'll start with the update. When the neurologist had spoken to my pain doctor about changing my meds and the pain doctor refused, he had me come over and put me on 50 mcg/h Fentanyl patches. He told me that he wanted me on a "drug vacation" as he called it, so that my body was in minimal to no pain at all for a while. I had a follow-up yesterday to see how the medicine was working. The first day I put it on, I felt a little loopy and then had to nap. After that, there was no change in my pain but every time I changed the patch, I would get sleepy. They went ahead and pushed it up to the 75 mcg/h patches to see if that was enough. It seems that I have a very high tolerance seeing that I have been on pain meds for a while now, plus all the other muscle relaxers and everything that I take 3 times a day. Mind you, I am all of 115 lbs. and most people think that I would be knocked on my you know what, I'm not. It's almost as though I'm not on anything for pain. I changed the patch out as soon as we got them yesterday and got the tired feeling and that was it. This morning, I woke up and my headache isn't as bad as it has been, but so far that is it. Hopefully, after a few days, it will start working better. I have another follow-up again on the 23rd. If I get my referrals straightened out, I will be leaving for Jacksonville, FL on the 25th to finally get to the Mayo Clinic. Otherwise, I am going to have to reschedule until I can get the referrals fixed.

On another note, for some reason, I have been extremely emotionally about all this health stuff lately. Seeing how easily people with the same issues as me can be here one day and gone the next. I tear up hearing about people who have lost the battle that I don't even know, and can't even stand to see the kids that are facing all of this.  I broke down yesterday while we were waiting for the doctor. I was talking to my husband about how I hate that I feel as though the life and all the things I've always wanted to do, seem to have been yanked away from me. I have just been told so much lately that my case isn't text book and they don't know what's going on, that I feel like this will never end. I try my hardest to fake a smile on the outside, but inside, I'm screaming and crying all the time.